Life

I feel like I have aged over the last two weeks. There has been so much going on, not necessarily in my life, but in proximity to my life that is making me feel older than I actually am. Of course, there are factors that influence this - instead of being surprised to hear that I am as old as 23, as people used to be, they are now surprised to hear that I am as young as 23. That more than anything makes me feel like I am getting older, at least in the looks department. My style has certainly changed (at least during the week) in that I no longer wear a t-shirt and jeans to work, or if I do it is at least a sharp looking shirt or a t-shirt with smarter pants or a skirt. I have also taken to wearing dresses a lot more often, possibly because they are fitting me better than my t-shirts at the moment. A story for another day.

No, the reason why I feel like I have aged is that life is moving forward for those around me in both good and bad ways. There are some things that I am going to discuss that may feel very personal, and I apologise to my friends about that and will not use their real names to ensure their anonymity, but feel like I need to talk about the things that are on my mind.

It feels like there has been a lot of death recently. Some of the deaths are people that I have no connection to but affect me because of the pure sadness of the situation. One example of this is the death of Jamey Rodemeyer. I don't know how I came across his story, but it stuck out and is something that I have been thinking of a lot recently. A few months before his suicide, Jamey had taken part in the "It Gets Better" campaign, a campaign in support of LGBT teenagers that was formed due to the large numbers of suicides in America over the last few years. He spoke about how he truly believed that it gets better, that the support of family and friends overcomes the bullying that is experienced, that being proud of who you are will give you the strength to overcome the obstacles. I watched his video knowing the outcome, and it just absolutely broke my heart. The video can be seen here, and a tribute that was performed for Jamey by his idol, Lady Gaga, can be found here.

Then there are the deaths that have been slightly closer to home, like finding out on Tuesday that a friend's boyfriend had been murdered, brutally, in what was seen to be a hate crime. He was found naked, bound and gagged in his home, and even though my friend had only been dating him for a short amount of time, it really hit home just how horrifying the situation is. There is no doubt that, had I read about the incident without knowing someone involved, I would have been disgusted,  appalled and horrified, but it made it so much worse that my friend was suffering through the situation on his own, and most of all that I couldn't be with him in his time of need.

Still reeling from this knowledge, I found out later in the week that a friend's mother had passed away. I was utterly shocked to hear about it, to hear that it had been from a disease (an e-coli infection) that I recently had and that it had affected her so badly. And what struck me even more is that life goes on. It seems amazingly obvious, and yet, if I was in the same situation, I don't know how I would react. I don't know what I would be feeling, or experiencing, or thinking. But life goes on. You do keep feeling and thinking and experiencing and you have to get out and do the same things as you always did. You go on with your life, trying to remember that person who passed away as best as you can and in the best light that you can and you move on. Whether that takes weeks or months or years, I don't know. But it happens.

And in the midst of all the bad comes the good. There are weddings and celebrations of love. There are new years to bring in and good wishes to be sent to every family member and friend. New life is being brought into this world by those same beloved family members. And you have to remember that, while there is so much sadness in this world, there is also so much joy, and while you should remember those people that have passed, while you should feel sorrow and pain and sympathy, you should also celebrate every joyful opportunity that comes your way. And I intend to do just that.

So, while my deepest sympathies go out to the families and friends who are going through tough times, my heartfelt joy is going out to those with celebrations on the horizon and lives that are just beginning in all senses of the word.