Nostalgia

It comes in waves and unexpectedly.

It starts with something as simple as a picture. A photo of a friend from way back when that takes me back to days spent laughing in hotel rooms and getting into trouble that seemed so big at the time and feels so small now, sneaking bottles of champagne at New Years and regretting it in the morning, kissing and telling and moving on quickly, lessons and card games and thinking it would last forever. Thinking that we'd always stay young.

Tumbles forward to nights spent ballroom dancing in a crowded Friar Tucks, spent huddled in a res room listening to Placebo and planning surprise birthday parties in the middle of the night. Days spent juggling classes and social life, old friends and new ones, bouncing off the walls with excitement at new opportunities and new places to go, things to do, people to meet.

Until suddenly first year is over. The fun is fading as I come to the realisation that my University life can't just be non-stop partying. Friends fade as groups split and new friends are found closer to home. Suddenly I become the responsible one, the reliable one, the sensible one, the one who will stand up for you, will butt in to help and will speak your mind when you are too scared to. The friend who tells you what she thinks, but is there for you if you decide to do your thing regardless.

And before I know it, I am moving out, am settling in, am studying hard and partying little, am reclusive and despondent. Still there if you call me, but lost in my own world for the most part. Away from the centre of things, I start to cave in on myself, stop venturing outside the eight walls of the two rooms that comprise my homes. Lectures, home, Grant, home.

And it is finished. Four years of studying comes to a grand finale of examinations and expectations and tearful goodbyes. A heartbreaking ten hour journey stands between Grahamstown and Cape Town, both halfway houses to my grander plan of Korea, excitement, exploration and exhiliration. And it is exhilirating. A year of once-in-a-lifetime experiences. New friends, new places, a new start away from everything that I know, everything that I want. A whirlwind year of thrills and spills, fun and heartache, learning in a new way what the world is about. Travel and people and places that I will never see again.

Only to return to Grahamstown a year later. Grahamstown, which never changes but changes so consistently at the same time. New people, but young people, people that I can no longer relate to. New places, but all the same in their vibes, their atmospheres, their memories of days gone by that haunt me everywhere I go, reminding me of my youth and the people that I miss.

Nostalgia comes in waves and unexpectedly, and then fades into the distance as my daily routine resumes.