Revisionist History

The theme for today - Go back in time to an event you think could have played out differently for you. Let alternate history have its moment: tell us what could, would or should have happened?

It was my first year, my first street party. I had one sip of my alchipop, one taste of Brutal Fruit after a week of heavy nights, and suddenly felt the world spinning at my feet. 

The music reverberates through my body and I can feel rather than hear every beat of it. People pass me in masses as I sway on the spot, unmoving. Laughter and screams of joy interrupt my thoughts, not letting them complete themselves and leaving me running in circles in my head without so much as blinking. I couldn't blink even if I wanted to, cannot control the weight that it my eyelids. I ignore the alarms going off in my brain, telling me that something is just not right and take another sip of the liquid poison. An unfamiliar hand slides along my waist and pulls me, and I follow unrelenting, unquestioning, leaning into it. And then there is nothing.

I awake, broken in every sense of the word, my throat begging for relief in the form of cool liquid, but nothing is enough to quench the thirst, nothing is enough to bring back the night that has been lost. This room is not my own.

Movie Review: The Princess Bride

I have always loved Princess Bride. I cannot remember the first time I saw it, probably because I was too young to remember, but it stuck in my mind for years afterwards and I have watched it many times in the last few years.

So why do I love it so much? Well, it has everything that you need in a movie – romance, comedy, action and adventure – and it does them all so well. Even though it was made in the 80s and the effects are absolutely terrible, the storyline makes up for it.

The movie starts off with a young boy sick at home playing videogames. His grandfather comes to pay him a visit and brings with a book (The Princess Bride) that his father used to read to him when he was sick. Begrudgingly the boy agrees to listen, complaining at points about how it sounds like just a gushy romance. But before long, the boy is captivated by the story and so is the audience. The story is about a beautiful woman and the farmboy who she falls in love with. The farmboy, Wesley, leaves to find his fortune early on and is kidnapped and killed by the dread pirate Roberts. The woman, Buttercup, pines over him for five years before agreeing to marry the prince of the country, Prince Humperdink. A few days before the wedding, she is kidnapped by a group of ruffians who want to start a war between two countries. What they don’t realise is that the dread pirate Roberts is on their tail and wants Buttercup for himself.

A few weeks ago we realised that two of our friends (Mike and Vicky) had never seen the movie, and so we invited them and Tom and Danika around to watch. Being the adults that we all are, we also decided to make the movie a little more fun by adding a drinking game to it. The rules of the game (similar to the rules of any other movie drinking game) are that when a character in the movie says a specific line, you need to drink. Some of the lines for Princess Bride include (but are not limited to) the following:

Buttercup
Farmboy
As you wish
Humperdink (the prince)
Boo
Inconceivable
Man in Black
My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
True Love
Rodents of Unusual Size

You will find yourself drinking a lot in the beginning and at certain points throughout the movie (at some point, a witch says boo something like 15 times in quick succession). Of course, it’s up to you how much you drink and when, but these are just some guidelines if you feel like watching the movie with a group of friends and playing along.

Either way, drunk or sober, I give the Princess Bride 5/5 as a movie. It has got everything that you need and, even though it is a little bit dated, it is still a lot of fun to watch.

Recipe Review: Frozen Strawberry Margaritas

A whirring sound fills my kitchen, drowning out the voices in the lounge and every other sound in the house. I wince as I see liquid seeping from the ancient blender and hear the ice rattling around unscathed by the blades. It's quite possible that I filled it too high, but it's equally possible that this machine just can't handle ice cubes and frozen strawberries like it used to. It was my grandmother's after all, and I am fairly sure that it is older than I am. Before I know it, my kitchen is a pink, sticky, alcoholic mess. But that's okay! We weren't planning on spending too much time in there anyway!

The idea for the cocktail evening came about a few months ago when I went out with Kath, Rosa and Emma for some cocktails at the Yellow House (which has an awesome selection of truly amazing cocktails) and found that we would need to pitch in about R100 each for two cocktails. Totally not worth it! It would be far better, we decided, if we were to pitch in about R50 each, go out and buy ingredients and then make our own cocktails. It took a few months to find a night that suited people, but it finally happened and it was most fun and awesome, although we didn't end up having as many cocktails as we would have liked as it was the middle of the month and we were all broke.

No matter, I decided that I was going to spend the last of my cash on the ingredients for frozen strawberry margaritas. Why this cocktail specifically? Well, I'd bought frozen strawberries quite awhile ago in an attempt to be healthy and make supremely awesome smoothies for breakfast on a daily basis. Sadly, this never happened, and I got left with a bag of frozen strawberries living in my freezer, taking up space and annoying my housemates. So I decided to finally do something with them. I looked up how to make frozen strawberry margaritas and found the following recipe:

1.5oz Silver tequila

1 oz Orange liqueur (or Triple Sec)
1 oz Lime Juice or Concentrate

1 cup Frozen or fresh strawberries

1 cup Ice cubes

I went out and bought the tequila (though we ended up buying white rather than silver since I don't know the difference and I don't really think that it matters considering that we were mixing it with other alcohol rather than having it straight), Triple Sec and lime concentrate as well as some Rosé wine just in case, which came to a total of R225. You may be looking at that and thinking: "Good God! So expensive!" But then you should also consider that I ended up making 7 cocktails, and having a ton of alcohol left over. The only reason we didn't make more is that the strawberries ran out. Boo!

So, how did they turn out? Aside from them having pretty large bits of ice (occasionally whole ice cubes) or frozen strawberry (which I completely blame on the ancient blender described at the start of this post), I thought they were pretty damn good! Strong, but good. Messy, but good. Overall, a success! I would recommend finding a good blender to make them with, however, and I know that I will be doing just that next time around.

The rest of the night was spent watching Bridesmaids (again) at Kath and Emma's request, drinking frozen strawberry margaritas, snacking on rice crackers, cucumber, celery and dip and playing board games. The boys arrived back from Oktoberfest celebrations around midnight to find us playing 30 Seconds, and then insisted that their team of 3 could kick our team of 4's ass. Which we quickly disproved. Mike then insisted on trying to kick our asses 2-to-4, refusing to let any girl join his team to make things a little more even. Needless to say, he was put to shame. He then finally relented, letting Kath become and honorary boy and a final game ensued, which Vicky, Emma and I won in any case. Because we rock. So does Kath, but that's not the point.

The girls (and boy) finally decided to call it a night around 1am and we all decided that this was an event that was going to have to become monthly. Which is just fine by me, especially since I have half a bottle of Tequila and half a bottle of Triple Sec that I don't intend to get through any time soon! So watch this space for more information on another girly evening coming soon!

My extra special day

Let us respect gray hairs, especially our own.

- J. P. Sears

I always look forward to birthdays. I am not one of those people who believe that a birthday is just another day. If anything, I am one of those who believe that everyday should be like a birthday - everyday should be a celebration of the fact that you are alive! Of course, no one has the time or the patience to make everyday a celebration, so when my birthday comes around, I tend to look forward to putting in the effort on this one day of the year.

The days leading up to this year's birthday were a little different. I wasn't getting excited. I wasn't looking forward to anything. It was as though I was trying to keep my expectations low so as not to be disappointed when things didn't work out. Because you know, of course, that nothing ever works out like you had imagined it. I also could picture my birthday turning out like last year's - with me lying in bed, sick and alone with a cake to eat and no one to eat it with. Needless to say, it completely sucked, and I didn't want to get all excited only to have it suck again. And so, the night before my birthday, despite Grant's attempts at cheering me up, I happened to be a little depressed and not the best company at all. I had an early night.

I woke up ridiculously early in the morning for no apparent reason, and my waking was shortly followed by Grant waking up beside me to sing me a happy birthday.
"Do you want to see your present?"
"Ooh," I said, perking up a little. "Yes, please!"
I was pretty sure that I knew what I was getting. Months before, I had pointed out a boardgame (Mind Trap) that I thought would be cool but that I could only find online. When, weeks before, Grant had told me that my birthday present had arrived, I knew that it had to be something that he had ordered online and prepared myself for the inevitability of getting this game as my present. As Grant passed me the present, I couldn't help thinking that it was rather smaller than I had imagined. And rather lighter too. As I carefully peeled off the sticky tape and revealed the cardboard box underneath, I was utterly confused. This wasn't what I had expected. I stared at the plain cardboard for a good minute or two before I noticed the black label on the top that read: "Amazon kindle". I doubt that you have ever seen anyone get as excited as I did in that moment. It was honestly the last thing that I had expected to get, and the prospect of bringing it with me to Johannesburg and showing it off to everyone that I passed was just too much to bear. Needless to say, my birthday was off to a good start.

After seeing Grant off to work, I took my time getting ready for the day, choosing a dress to wear that I wasn't able to fit into when I left South Africa in order to celebrate the day in a bit of a special way. Then it was off to the bank. Not the ideal place to spend a birthday, but the world doesn't stop when you want it to and there were people to be paid and arrangements to be made. Thankfully there wasn't too much of a queue and the teller, though a little rude, I thought, was mostly helpful. After finishing up there, it was back home with me, and I had barely gotten there when I got a message from Grant saying that a package had arrived for me. A very special package. A package that I knew was supposed to have arrived in Grahamstown before I did, and had chosen this very day, my extra special day, to pitch up. This package was my birthday present from Korea, sent from my awesome KBFF Amy. The contents included, but were not limited to a most awesome t-shirt that read: "And when you smile the whole world stops and stares for awhile because you are amazing". As I said, this was not the only awesome thing in my package, but I still think that it is my absolute favourite part of it!!

After picking up my package, it was back to lounging around for awhile. I couldn't really make any plans for the day itself, as Ashlea was coming through to Grahamstown and I wasn't sure what time she would be arriving. And so, a few hours were spent doing nothing much around the house until Grant arrived home and I simultaneously received a call telling me that Ashlea had arrived in town. After attempting to give Ashlea some terrible, TERRIBLE directions (and reminding myself that I should no longer count myself as a local after not being in the town for a year and a half), Grant and I went to find her and bring her back to our place where she was to spend the night.

A couple of beers for Grant, Jono and Ash and a couple of glasses of wine for me later, we were off to the Rat and Parrot for a celebratory drink with Mike. We arrived at the Rat to find it absolutely packed with no tables available for us. Thankfully, we do have some pull with the manager, and Doodoo secured us two small tables placed together with the promise of attempting to find us one upstairs (in the smoking section) should one open up. Ash, not used to such crowds or to waiting so long for a drink pounced on the poor waitresses bearing our beverages before she even had a chance to put the drinks on the table, and this led to one of the beers crashing to the floor leaving us with a very angry waitress, a very apologetic Ashlea and a very thirsty Grant. As Ash said, however, this was probably the best way to start the night, as she was unlikely to have an accident like that again and at least it was now over and done with. She was all too right, and the rest of the night was spent eating delicious food, getting involved in brilliant conversations (even between Ash and Mike who I had pictured butting heads on more than one occasion despite Mike's remark that he was sure they would get on splendidly) and drinking. Though a headache threatened to ruin the night for me, Doodoo saved the day once again by securing me some Aspirin, and before long I was back to drinking happily.

Once dinner was done, Ash insisted that we move upstairs where she could smoke to her hearts content, and we found ourselves some seats at the bar. This was possibly not the best idea, as it meant that Ash could quickly order shooters without my even noticing what was going on, and by the end of the night there had been Susans (Tequila, Cape Velvet, Blue Cuarico and something else), Ponchos (coffee tequila), Pina Coladas, Malibu, Purple Turtles (Apple Sours and Potency) and an assortment of other shots that I do not know the names of and do not care to remember. I was also taught a number of new ways to say cheers and a new way to drink shots that I am really rather fond of. By midnight I was utterly out of it and we all decided that it was about time to go home.

We arrived at home and Ash and I made ourselves comfortable on the couches while Grant passed around another round of beers. Music played in the background and we all chilled around with none of us really being ready for bed. Suddenly, Ashlea pulled from her bag a nightmarish device known as a lip-tint stick and the worst part of the night commenced. When I woke up the next morning, with a headache and a full memory of the night's events, it was to legs and arms covered in lip-tint (which was rather harder to get off than either of us had imagined) and Ash was far worse off with her stomach and back also having taken a beating at the hand of the red stuff. Each of us spent a good half hour (at least) in the shower trying to get the stuff off of us, and even after scrubbing at it with exfoliant, a red tint still remained on my skin to show where the marks had been. Ash had it far worse off - even four days later, her stomach still read "ET phone home" and her belly button looked like it was a giant bruise.

In anycase, the day ended up being a rather perfect birthday celebration, made extra special by Grant, Amy and Ashlea and their mutual awesomeness. Thanks so much guys! I thought I would end this post off with my favourite of the new cheers that I was taught.

Te verderer, te naderer, te hoorderer, te laaderer. Ek kyk hom, hy blink nie. Ek ryk hom, hy stink nie. So wie die fok se ek mag nie hom drink nie?

In English -

The furthest, the nearest, the highest the lowest. I watch it, it doesn't blink. I smell it, it doesn't stink. So who the fuck says I may not drink it?