I hate being in a new town. It means not knowing anyone, not having any friends, not being able to talk to people about things that are wrong and not having anyone to go out with. You would think that being in Grahamstown would be different – I lived here for four years, my boyfriend is here, I know the lay of the land – but it’s really not.
Practically all of the friends that I had before I left Grahamstown have moved on – some to Cape Town, some to Johannesburg, one or two to neighbouring towns like Port Alfred or Port Elizabeth. The few that have remained are either ridiculously busy with work or studying, were never particularly close friends or have changed so much that we have grown apart. Or is it me that has changed? I can’t really tell. All I know is that I am left friendless, and I feel like I am in a Ghost Town – haunted by the memories and good times that I shared with my friends without them actually being here.
I can hear what some of you are thinking – you have Grant. And I do. And he is awesome and amazing and the best boyfriend a girl could ask for. And while he is one of the closest friends that I have, our friendship isn’t quite the same as, say, my friendship with Amy or Robyn or Ashlea or the other BFFs that are scattered around the world. That isn’t to say that it’s worse. It’s just different. I cannot go out and dance the night away with Grant. I can go out, but it tends to involve sitting at a table nestling a beer while he chats to some of the guys whose names he doesn’t remember. I can’t talk to him about the things that I talk to my girlfriends about. I can talk to him about just about anything, but not series, not gossip, not girly things. Well, I can, but he isn’t nearly as interested as my girlfriends would be!
I know that if I could bring myself to go out, I would make friends in a heartbeat – I am the kind of person who tends to make friends easily that way. But I can’t bring myself to go out without someone to fall back on, without a friend already there to hang out with in between meeting the new people, without someone to talk to.
I have been through this friend-finding thing too many times. First when I arrived in Grahamstown as a naïve 17 year old, again when I moved to Korea and now I have to do it once more in Grahamstown, when I am a slightly more matured 23 year old surrounded by naïve 17/18 year olds and when I am no longer a student and have lost that connection to most of Grahamstown’s population.
So my question for today is this: How do you make friends in a new place?
It was extremely difficult to make new friends when Andrew and I moved to Durban. Everyone was already in a group of friends and not interested in inviting us out even though we would speak to people everyday. We got to a stage of feeling "not cool enough". It can be quite sad and disheartening but we eventually latched ourselves onto our neighbours who are a few years older than us and guess what they were not originally from Durban anyway.
ReplyDeleteAndrew and I are best friends so we don't need friendship all the time but sometimes we do get lonely and want to socialise and then we have our one couple firend that were our neighbours :)
All I can say is if you have a town with similar people to Durban then scout out the new comers or your neighbours (people you will see everyday).
The only female friends I have are you and the neighbour and I have never seen you in real life :) So maybe my advice is not really valid :D
Maybe you could try the predictable suggestion of joining a gym/book club/photography course or something and make friends that way? Or perhaps you could try organising a get together with other bloggers in Grahamstown (if there are any you can find)? If I could come visit and be your wingman I would! :)
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